Rockin’ Poncho

Facebook and sadness

By helping other people look happy, Facebook is making us sad. The human habit of overestimating other people’s happiness is nothing new, of course. Jordan points to a quote by Montesquieu: "If we only wanted to be happy it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are." But social networking may be making this tendency worse. Jordan’s research doesn’t look at Facebook explicitly, but if his conclusions are correct, it follows that the site would have a special power to make us sadder and lonelier. By showcasing the most witty, joyful, bullet-pointed versions of people’s lives, and inviting constant comparisons in which we tend to see ourselves as the losers, Facebook appears to exploit an Achilles’ heel of human nature. And women—an especially unhappy bunch of late—may be especially vulnerable to keeping up with what they imagine is the happiness of the Joneses.

Here’s what I think: social media, and Facebook in particular, are all about personal public relations. Like any media campaign, it’s important not to lie outright but you sure as shit aren’t going to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I realize this is generational: those younger than me tend to use it more openly and probably there’s less stigma for them in revealing things like they do to their peers. But my Facebook friends list consists of a lot of different kinds of people – and people I know from many different parts of my life, some of them professional as well as personal. I tend to accept almost all friend requests, if I know you at all. But make no mistake: I block a LOT of people from my feeds. I block perpetual oversharers or debbie downers. I block people from work who bitch about work all the time. I block people from high school who just never talk about anything I even understand – those weird cryptic passive-aggressive updates, you know? People who post their Farmville shit. People who invite me to things I would never go to because they’re halfway across the country. Etc. So, like, a lot of people are on my block list. In the end it makes for a manageable and pretty good status feed.

I also make use of the groups feature to only post statuses to SOME people and not all. But I am ever mindful that, in the end, it’s all out there and it’s all there to stay – for better or worse. So you probably won’t see me really get mad about work on the internet. Oh sure, a random very vague rant maybe – but specifics? NEVER. And, similarly, you won’t see me say really good things about work. It’s just not there. It isn’t the place (better to take the really good stuff to LinkedIn, which is, btw, completely different and I hope I don’t have to explain how) and it’s never the time.

You will almost never see me say anything about being really, truly, sad or depressed. Because the way to get over those problems is either to cry into my cat or moan at a friend over sushi. Facebook never facilitates those kinds of interactions. I hope that it can – and for me it often does – facilitate a more casual set of interactions that let people know I’m there, I care about them in some way, however ephemeral, and that hey, that was a cute or funny or nice thing you just said. I think those interactions are really valuable actually. They’re no substitute for a deeper set of connections but they are, and I think they should be, a positive addition to your life.

I know what it’s like to compare yourself to others and feel you come up short. You can do it at the mall or the office or watching TV, nevermind via Facebook. So at the end of the day I’m not sure that’s a built-in evil (though there are others!) of that particular tool but instead a problem we’ll make for ourselves anywhere.

Ah, the tundra. Good times, good times!

Be glad you’re not in the UK right now, because we know you’d be beating down the doors of your local Burger King just to get your hands on the limited-time-only “Sprout Surprise Whopper,” featuring that most beloved of burger add-ons, Brussels sprouts.

Brussels sprouts are apparently associated with the holidays in the UK (maybe they are here too, though I’ve never come across it), so the King has created a Whopper topped with sprouts and emmental cheese.

Said someone in charge of culinary development at BK UK with a completely straight face:

We believe that taste is king, and as such, we wanted to create a recipe that would challenge existing sprout perceptions, and genuinely make sprouts a flavour to be reckoned with.

Judging by this statement on the BK UK Facebook page, it appears that even in Ol’ Blighty the response to the Sprout Whopper wasn’t exactly oohs and ahhhs: “[S]orry to hear some of you weren’t too keen on the idea of the Sprout Surprise Whopper yesterday, but we’re confident that The King can make even Brussels Sprouts taste good!”

Burger King creates festive brussel sprout burger [Marketing Magazine]

More About:

• so this exists,
• burger king,
• brussels sprouts

45 Comments

I have a newfound love of brussels sprouts so I would totally eat this.

The most awesome part is that Grandma did this for him. I mean, that she would already makes her an awesome grannie.

I loved Glee last night but I cannot lie – the small part of me that is still a librarian does not like Finn very much right now. There’s no way he’s going to re-shelve those properly as he’s clearly too dumb for even Dewey decimal!

The White House

Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release

April 15, 2010

Presidential Memorandum – Hospital Visitation

MEMORANDUM FOR THE SECRETARY OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES

SUBJECT: Respecting the Rights of Hospital Patients to Receive Visitors and to Designate Surrogate Decision Makers for Medical Emergencies

There are few moments in our lives that call for greater compassion and companionship than when a loved one is admitted to the hospital. In these hours of need and moments of pain and anxiety, all of us would hope to have a hand to hold, a shoulder on which to lean — a loved one to be there for us, as we would be there for them.

Yet every day, all across America, patients are denied the kindnesses and caring of a loved one at their sides — whether in a sudden medical emergency or a prolonged hospital stay. Often, a widow or widower with no children is denied the support and comfort of a good friend. Members of religious orders are sometimes unable to choose someone other than an immediate family member to visit them and make medical decisions on their behalf. Also uniquely affected are gay and lesbian Americans who are often barred from the bedsides of the partners with whom they may have spent decades of their lives — unable to be there for the person they love, and unable to act as a legal surrogate if their partner is incapacitated.

For all of these Americans, the failure to have their wishes respected concerning who may visit them or make medical decisions on their behalf has real onsequences. It means that doctors and nurses do not always have the best information about patients’ medications and medical histories and that friends and certain family members are unable to serve as intermediaries to help communicate patients’ needs. It means that a stressful and at times terrifying experience for patients is senselessly compounded by indignity and unfairness. And it means that all too often, people are made to suffer or even to pass away alone, denied the comfort of companionship in their final moments while a loved one is left worrying and pacing down the hall.

Many States have taken steps to try to put an end to these problems. North Carolina recently amended its Patients’ Bill of Rights to give each patient “the right to designate visitors who shall receive the same visitation privileges as the patient’s immediate family members, regardless of whether the visitors are legally related to the patient” — a right that applies in every hospital in the State. Delaware, Nebraska, and Minnesota have adopted similar laws.

My Administration can expand on these important steps to ensure that patients can receive compassionate care and equal treatment during their hospital stays. By this memorandum, I request that you take the following steps:

1. Initiate appropriate rulemaking, pursuant to your authority under 42 U.S.C. 1395x and other relevant provisions of law, to ensure that hospitals that participate in Medicare or Medicaid respect the rights of patients to designate visitors. It should be made clear that designated visitors, including individuals designated by legally valid advance directives (such as durable powers of attorney and health care proxies), should enjoy visitation privileges that are no more restrictive than those that immediate family members enjoy. You should also provide that participating hospitals may not deny visitation privileges on the basis of race, color, national
origin, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability. The rulemaking should take into account the need for hospitals to restrict visitation in medically appropriate circumstances as well as the clinical decisions that medical professionals make about a patient’s care or treatment.

2. Ensure that all hospitals participating in Medicare or Medicaid are in full compliance with regulations, codified at 42 CFR 482.13 and 42 CFR 489.102(a), promulgated to guarantee that all patients’ advance directives, such as durable powers of attorney and health care proxies, are respected, and that patients’ representatives otherwise have the right to make informed decisions regarding patients’ care. Additionally, I request that you issue new guidelines, pursuant to your authority under 42 U.S.C. 1395cc and other relevant provisions of law, and provide technical assistance on how hospitals participating in Medicare or Medicaid can best comply with the regulations and take any additional appropriate measures to fully enforce the regulations.

3. Provide additional recommendations to me, within 180 days of the date of this memorandum, on actions the Department of Health and Human Services can take to address hospital visitation, medical decisionmaking, or other health care issues that affect LGBT patients and their families.

This memorandum is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, or entities, its officers, employees, or agents, or any other person.

You are hereby authorized and directed to publish this memorandum in the Federal Register.

BARACK OBAMA

While this is clearly a major deal for gay Americans, make no mistake that it’s a big relief for spinsters too.

Ohohoh! I know this one…

This is pretty clever. Everytime (which is kind of frequently) I buy shoes, I’m struck by how much packaging the come wrapped in and how wasteful that is for something that’s going to go between our (sometimes stinky!) feet and the (oftentimes really dirty) ground. How much do they need to be protected anyway, except from scratches? I realize there are shipping logistics to consider, but can’t they just put them in a bag without any of the other crap?

But say that, for some reason, you have not set the slider appropriately? And your toast is somehow undertoasted? Then I refer you to the button up top that says, simply, “a bit more.” YES, it will toast it just a bit more for you.

It’s nice to know that someone else cares about toast as much as I do. I really need a new toaster since mine no longer toasts but merely makes stale my toast. This button feature could be a winner!

Oh, so that’s Lil’ Wayne!

Cherniack and Main believe Duncan has lived this long because he‘s always happy, he‘s engaged in the world and he has always done whatever he wants.

File under: super awesome old people.

Things I’ve learned from nature: I’m an “easy keeper”. Heh.

I cannot wait until the baby goats start arriving!